1. |
Defective
01:14
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Believe you're unable to give enough, to hold ground, to keep up. Can't quite manage to fit in, to gain acceptance, to sense connection. Defective, vile, ostracised, abnormal, socially inept and withdrawn. Ruminating thoughts of imperfection, that one is damaged goods and wholly flawed. A long-standing and unshakable view of the self, being intrinsically wrong. Defective, vile, ostracised, abnormal, socially inept and withdrawn.
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2. |
Why Do I Try?
00:49
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Expectations, observation, imperfections, adulation – why do I try? Indiscretions, realisation, aberrations, condemnation – why do I try? To be watched? To be judged? To be restrained? Unattainable permission, never-ending investigations – why do I try? Why do I try? Chronic exacerbation, frowned-upon solutions – why do I try? Why do I try?
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3. |
Hell Is in My Head
00:38
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Trapped within these walls of flesh and bone, resigned to the fact I'm too far gone – hell is in my head. Can't see a way out, can't go on. There's no light, there's no hope – hell is in my head. Consumed with perpetual self-hatred – hell is in my head.
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4. |
All Fucked Up
00:48
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Waiting for it all to come crashing down, might not be today but I swear it's gonna happen. Prepared and ready for what seems inevitable, while grasping onto the chance that I've got things wrong. Doubt leaves my mind as I recognise the usual signs – all fucked up, once again, all fucked up yet again.
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5. |
Leave Me Alone
01:32
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Solitude is all I seek. Leave me alone, it's time for you to vacate. No need for long-drawn goodbyes. Relinquish me from all interaction. Let's not make further plans together. Best you disengage and depart thereafter. Overcome with social exhaustion. Feeling fatigued and yearning isolation. To decompress and recharge in seclusion. To process an overabundance of stimulation. Solitude is all I seek. Leave me alone, it's time for you to vacate. I want some time-out from our communication, consider this a request for complete radio silence. Done with talking, let me be. Solitude is all I seek. Leave me alone, it's time for you to vacate.
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6. |
Worthless
01:36
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Is this how it's supposed to end? A desolate tone, a beaten sigh. Was this the way things had to go? Spoiled union, worthless plans. Fallen down, gave up belief, checked-out, had enough of it. Went over the edge, lost control, passed breaking-point, let go. Is there anything left to save? A barren structure, a vision worn. What happened to the dream? Distorted growth, ineffective change. Fallen down, gave up belief, checked-out, had enough of it. Went over the edge, lost control, passed breaking-point, let go. Optimism non-existent, a self monopolised by pain and torment. Fallen down, gave up belief, checked-out, had enough of it. Went over the edge, lost control, passed breaking-point, let go.
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7. |
Can't Escape
01:55
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Medication noncompliance, missed appointments, odd behaviours, the family's worried. Boxed-in, got the house surrounded, no way out, can't escape. Pinned down, held firmly in place, shackled, strapped on a frame. Taken away under police escort, admitted straight into the high dependency unit. Clinically assessed, risk of harm deemed present, treatment order issued, ward leave strictly forbidden. Felt the situation unjust, cracked it and started giving out, met with a blank look and instructed to calm down. Drugs prescribed, given a depot injection, along with some tablets to reduce anxiety and promote sedation. Discharged a few days later, ready and refreshed to again commence that same old cycle.
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8. |
Interlude
01:40
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9. |
Cold Sweat
00:26
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Cold sweat, heavy breath, quick pulse, clenched fists. Heightened senses, matched by diminished abilities. Cold sweat, heavy breath, quick pulse, clenched fists. Uncontrollable shakes, mild discomfort, pins and needles, wretch and vomit. Cold sweat, heavy breath, quick pulse, clenched fists.
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10. |
Death in Action
01:39
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Chasing glory, seeking honour, a tool in their game of power and influence. Propaganda and fellowship, status and creed. Smoke and mirrors for the poor and weak. Chasing glory, seeking honour, a tool in their game of power and influence. Predictable yet tragic, unwanted but accepted. Death in action, those lives now gone. A perceived threat, an identified risk, a calculated move, an avoidable loss? Death in action, those lives now gone.
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11. |
Neck Deep
00:26
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Neck deep in the shit, seeking the help of fools whilst I drown with idiots. Fed up with the fight, spent and broken inside – let darkness surround me.
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12. |
Nothing to Show
00:33
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Bowed neck, dropped head, gazing at life elsewhere. Time passes by and there's nothing to show for it. Egotism, a short attention span and poor relations. An epitaph? They fiddled as the earth turned.
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13. |
Boiling Over
01:38
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Emotional self-regulation, ebbing away. Nihilistic tendencies, come into play. Filled by a destructive urge – to smash it up, to pull this all down. Boiling over – experiencing an insatiable, burning desire to leave things cold. The death drive, the darkest force – time to cave in, to act out and eradicate the whole bloody lot?
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14. |
Sudden Death
01:01
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A swift end, a clean break, an exit plan I can appreciate. Sudden death – give me a sudden death. A prompt departure, a timely closure, so long as it's quick let it be over. Sudden death – give me a sudden death. A terminal failure, a rapid arrest, discontinuation without prolonged distress.
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15. |
Endless Bore
01:06
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Repetition, day in day out, no longer able to stomach this stale routine. Contemplation, still trying to find a way, to alleviate the banal monotony. Endless days, endless war, endless nightmares, endless bore – can't take it. Endless days, endless war, endless nightmares, endless bore – won't take it. Nerves are shot, mind is lost, my body aches, make it stop. Nerves are shot, mind is lost, my body aches, make it stop – the endless bore.
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