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Treatment Resistant

by Endless Bore

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1.
Unpleasant by design – intended to target, frustrate and deter. Restricted use through pain or discomfort, contrived specifically to be noninclusive. Devised social control spreads like a fashion, moving issues out of sight, away from public spaces. Sick cities – terrified of perceived enemies that lurk within.
2.
Searching for answers, defaulting to shortcuts, unconscious pull toward existing assumptions. Only my opinion counts! Illogical, irrational reasoning, devoid of objectivity – you will believe what you want to believe. Only my opinion counts! Selective interpretation, oblivious self-deception, a hypothesis confirmed – no further thought given. Only my opinion counts!
3.
Mirror Image 00:15
Transfixed by one's own reflection – tired, empty eyes gaze upon external signs of the deterioration occurring within.
4.
Conditioned faith, to blindly obey and endure. Dogmas, doctrines, tithes and offerings. Prayers, blessings, confessions and repentance – it's a sham, there's nothing there, you've been had for far, far, far too long! Merely a system of control, coercion and constraint.
5.
Nosecutter 01:40
The anger, the utter rage, as the red mist descends. Switched off acts in haste, oblivious to the consequences. Retaliate, strike back, to enact revenge and bear the cost. Clarity comes too late as hope shatters into unrecognisable pieces. Betrayal and despair, lead to a display of that mean streak, which has always been and will forever be there...
6.
Hours spent battling this self-inflicted misery, agonising over past mistakes, while concurrently fearful of what tomorrow may bring. Impaired function and maladaptive coping strategies, all I want is to get some sleep!
7.
"You only get what you give" – but that's out of our hands, isn't it?
8.
Conflicted by the need to express, actions frustrated, impulses repressed. Pent-up forces escape as conduct true to another sequence. Automatic responses appear odd and out-of-place, void of relation and lacking significance. Evident betrayals of fear reveal uncertainties within the subject. Fundamental compulsions, the real worry of the mind – to learn and understand, to have a conscious and meaningful purpose. An intense inner disturbance which only the catharsis of craft can quieten.
9.
Like a square peg, bludgeoned into a round hole or that slipping cog ignored until the machine fails. Compromised, over-looked, eventually ground to a halt. Placed under prolonged and excessive strain, vigorously hammered from above, over and over and over again. Coerced into compliance with catastrophic consequences. Swiftly discarded when no longer deemed ready, willing or able to serve their purpose.
10.
Ill-conceived, unwanted, starved and mistreated – grand beginnings, such high expectations. Abused, neglected, confined and exhausted – zero nurture, exclusive detriment. Deserted, forgotten, lost and fearful – occupied senses, well out of condition. Subsisting purely by chaos and conflict.
11.
Paid to witness suffering, to sit with known risk and to shoulder responsibility. Left sore and fatigued, no understanding or empathy. Hearing internal screams – keep your distance, stay away! Antisocial worker, consumed by vicarious trauma. To help, at what cost?
12.
Unable to think, can't get things straight. Having trouble making decisions, clouded judgement. Confidence lacking, paranoia kicks in. What's going on? What on earth am I doing? Intense emotions, the guilt and shame of failure, intoxication numbs this existence. Walking in circles, begging for guidance, can't see the wood for the trees. What's going on? What on earth am I doing?
13.
Marred 00:48
To never again be the same, tainted – once outstanding, now so far from perfect. A nightmarish predicament, to fall from grace – no longer achieving, barely functional. Marred, marred, eternally scarred – foretold decline, glaring mistakes and an open defeat. Provoking disappointment and fueling frustrations – battered, beaten, left in a state of anguish.
14.
Born from noble stock, refuse to accept this wretched mess. It's all been a terrible mistake. Delusional beliefs – renown fables, widespread fantasies. A baby in a basket – wronged, lost and raised without their identity. Grown in contempt, against life's cold, hard reality. Family romance – imagined estrangement provides solace.
15.
Outro 03:39

credits

released April 11, 2020

EB: Ben, Dave, David & Mark

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Tom Ray, Melbourne. 2020

Cover image illustrated by Scott Reid

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Endless Bore Melbourne, Australia

Banner Photo by
Yu Wei-Chiao Joe

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